The theory on flying saucers
To begin with, one fact needs to be established: People who don't believe in UFOs are linguistically ignorant. One cannot be anything but convinced that people sometimes tend to observe flying objects, which are not readily identifiable. But if these objects are vessels from other planets is an entirely different discussion.
It seems quite probable, though, that the Earth sometimes receives visits by alien beings. That other creatures exist in the endless universe, seems a reasonable assumption. That some of these possess superior technologies, enabling space-travel, is also a plausible supposition. But to believe that such beings have earnestly attempted to contact us is absolutely ludicrous!
We must presume that an almost infinite number of inhabited planets exist in the vast universe. Space-travellers who journey through cosmos in order to discover and explore new worlds must therefore have a rather stressful and toilsome job. Furthermore, the Earth is a planet that can hardly strike alien beings as being neither technologically nor culturally interesting. One only needs to look at our small and ridiculous communication satellites and the horrible TV-shows they broadcast, to see the validity of that assumption. When alien explorers realise that our average prime time TV consists of inane and tedious game- and talkshows, they will doubtlessly hurry onwards to the next planetary system.
Intergalactic explorers will presumably categorise the Earth as merely "another average industrialised planed, populated by culturally backward humanoids" and hope that the next system offers better and more fascinating experiences. In certain cases, they may try to contact us, just to create some variety in the monotonous existence by getting a few cheap laughs.
It is conceivable that they may land in front of a couple of random persons, disembark their spacecraft wearing silly space-suits, make beep-beep sounds, and with a solemn and metallic voice say: "We come from Saturn. Take us to your leader!" If they are really bored, they could make meaner jokes, such as abducting people and perform weird experiments on them, or spread rumours ("Greetings Earthling! Tell your fellows that we have Elvis, and demand twenty tons of antimatter to give him back (hee, hee)"). They might also play chicken with fighter planes, carve pictures resembling aliens in ancient ruins, or draw incomprehensible symbols in wheat fields (which certainly spell sentences such as: "Your pathetic civilisation gives us convulsive laughter. We've got flies that can make better Saturday evening TV than you! Why don't you just crawl back to the trees, where you belong?")
We must put a stop to all that. It is no use to launch nearsighted space-telescopes, remote controlled toy cars, and countless TV-satellites that spew out one moronic quiz-show after the other. In that way we will continue to be the laughing stock of the universe. It is about time that we use every effort to create an enormous space-fleet, so that we can wage war on all alien civilisations and conquer them. Then we'll see who laughs the most!
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