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The theory on the hippopotamus

The Holy Bible is a work of varying quality. Especially its revelations and predictions about the end of the world are often quite ludicrous. John the Evangelist must have eaten some potent mushrooms in order to get the silly idea that the last day would be performed by a bizarre menagerie of many-horned beasts and a Babylonian courtesan.

But one text of the scriptures must definitely be taken serious: In the Book of Job, chapter 40, from verse 15, it says explicitly that the "Behemoth" (the hippopotamus) "is the chief of the ways of God"; apparently God has changed His mind as to the leading role of man in His world. 

We humans must henceforward be very wary of rebellious tendencies among the hippopotami. As the situation is now, they hardly pose any serious threat. But in the long term we must keep a wakeful eye on their political activities. The prelude of an uprising will presumably begin by hippopotami forming support networks for comrades incarcerated in zoos, demanding their unconditional release. These groups must be infiltrated and neutralised, otherwise they will form the basis of a wider political opposition.

If we do not take action at this early stage, the next phase will be that the support networks evolves into radical cells, staging insurrections and other serious onslaughts against public law and order. Furthermore there will be an imminent danger of fanatic hippopotami forming paramilitary terrorist organisations. The situation will then be critical, for in the worst case these terrorist groups can acquire or develop nuclear weapons. 

We must therefore make an effective effort to suppress all tendencies of political consciousness among the hippopotamus population. First through massive propaganda campaigns, glorifying mankind's supremacy, for example by mounting huge posters near hippopotami habitats. We should also begin to train intelligence agents in hippopotamus disguise, in order to facilitate unnoticed infiltration and monitoring of suspect political hippopotami organisations. If that doesn't help, we must ban assemblies, introduce curfews, censor the hippopotami press, carry out tough questioning sessions of arrested activists, and as a last resort liquidate dangerous hippopotamus insurgents. It might sound a bit unethical to use such firm and dirty measures, but it may become necessary. Our future must be defended at all costs. 

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